Dear Dr Marigold,

I am a single cat mother with 3 kittens. They are always shouting and making lots of noise, playing loud kitty dance music and running around creating havoc. They will not tidy up their bedrooms and do not take the slightest notice of anything I say. They are driving me nuts. Please help. I am at my wits end.

Stressed of Greengates

Dear Stressed of Greengates,

Kittens are such a problem these days. I blame TV, junk cat food and fizzy kitten pop myself.

I recommend that you purchase the book by Prof Sigmund Flea’d called The Psychology of the Kitten. The good Professor wrote this book many years ago but it is still considered a classic work on kitten behaviour and highly recommended. It is a very large, heavy book and quite expensive but is well worth the investment.

When your kittens misbehave and make a lot of noise go to the book case, get the book, grasp it firmly in both paws, show the book to your kittens and then hit the little monsters over the head with it till they   shut up.

That should do it. They’ll soon learn.

Hope that helps. Marigold