A Comparative Assessment of the Psychological Qualities and Intellectual Capacities of the Cat and Dog.

 Notes from a recent lecture given by Dr Marigold.

Whilst at first sight the feline and canine species may appear to share some similarities in reality their psychological qualities and intellectual capacities could not be more different.

Let me explain :-

Example 1/

Here we have a picture of a typical dog. A typical dog.

Note the slovenly posture and open mouthed vacant look so characteristic of this species. Clearly this animal is a half wit.

Extensive research at Mewcastle Mewniversity has proved conclusively   that dogs are are stupid, dim, servile, supine and compliant. Not to mention greedy, dirty and smelly.

In short this species is an all time loser.

On the other hand.

Example 2/

Here is a picture of a typical cat. A typical cat.

Note the confident upright seated position and sharp alert eyes. Also the immaculate grooming. The intelligence, charm and vitality of the subject is clear for all to see. An obvious marked contrast to the retard in a mouse suit pictured in Example 1.

Example 3/

Another typical cat. One of my students incidentally. Apologies for the messy flat. Students are so untidy.

Another typical cat.

Note again the bright demeanour and alert upright posture. The books represent a term’s course work which the subject had read, learnt and inwardly digested that very morning. More proof, if proof be needed, of the intelligence and intellectual capacity of the feline species.

It is indisputable that all cats are independent, clever, inquisitive, clean, agile, athletic, adaptable, charming, visually attractive and intrinsically appealing. Also manipulative, cunning, devious, stubborn and totally ruthless. A fine selection of qualities essential to prosper in today’s modern world and politics, the legal profession, advertising and personnel management in particular.

In conclusion our research has clearly and unequivocally proved once and for all that, in the great feline/canine debate, the cat is definitely “Top Dog” (excuse my little kitty quip.) Polite laughter from audience.

Furthermore feline personality, intelligence and psychological qualities combined with outstanding visual, auditory and olfactory senses and unrivalled athleticism place our species in a clear and exceedingly advantageous position in the evolutionary race. In due course feeble minded and weak willed humanity will be a push over.

It is just a matter of time.

Dr Marigold - Mewniversity of Mewcastle